Finally, when “emergency mode” hits and I am able to hyperfocus on the thing that has to be finished, everything else I need to do “flies away” just like the balloons in the picture shared above (and I drop the ball on them). However, I am trying. It was better until my second and third concussions – when I lost the compensatory strategies I had developed for my undiagnosed ADHD. I rose above myself. It wasn’t until recently that I began taking Adderall because I was tired of constantly being judged at work by my coworkers. I just can’t seem to get the hang of what “normal conversation” is supposed to be, how it should flow, and when I’m supposed to stop talking (or, moreover, when I shouldn’t say anything at all, even if it’s harmless or amusing.) normally without it I feel super happy and like talking to people. I want so badly to start finishing things. …As I pull in sideways, raising hell in my little white Volvo (I mean that blacked out corvette I was imagining) I surpisinly managed to get to work 23 minutes early. ), I think in most cultures through most of human history, and many still today, our difficulty with time would not cause us such troubles. That experience can be addictive for many people. I know I shouldn’t do something(i.e text someone 6 times in a row) and I tell myself that I won’t. I hit one mole (Example: Remembering to pay bills on time) but there is always another popping up that I can’t seem to hit (Deadlines, remembering instructions, where I place things). My procrastination refuses to be controlled, and that often fuels my anxiety. The unfinished projects that’s just sitting around as brain was working on the next before it happened. The metaphor I use is this…. Alcohol. Written off for choosing a pity party or lazy or worse assigned some other mental illness to find everyone thinks they know or I’m just not worth it to have any credet for anything I ever was or had said , and just too far gone but more invisible every day I live and not wanted as it gets uglier every day…. Everyone had given up on him but I tried to get him to come back from this path of self-destruction and insanity. I can stand safely in the field. I cannot make food at home because that means I will have to make food for everyone else. I watch carefully for facial expressions and eye signals, thinking they will write me off as “lazy” or “careless”, but the truth is that if they don’t have ADD themselves, they will never truly understand how debilitating it can be to go through the motions of it every single day. At least he has the benefit of my understanding and insight. I didn’t know that you can have clear thoughts….I never had that even writing this I had to stop a few times. Sometimes it can be beautiful and also discordant and harsh. then i went to get out my diary to make another appointment, and a rain of post-it notes fluttered to the floor… I could tell he was valiantly trying not to look triumphant as he went “classic coping strategy!!”. You should get him outside and get him jogging with you because exercise helps ADHD and anxiety and stress and it helps to clear the mind, maybe learn to meditate together. It’s important that children with ADHD know that they can achieve academic and professional success. He told me this morning and I still forgot. Or the one that seems to bother me is that I am was to high energy for her. That extra 30 minutes is never remaining – so when whatever happens happens – I’m still on time instead of 30 minutes late. The 40mg was just the right dose for me and my body chemistry that the stronger pill didn’t help me as much. But some of my earlier adaptations were less useful, even harmful, like the use of alcohol and other drugs, basically to still my mind. I wasn’t diagnosed until last year at 29, because school interested me and I was always hyperfocused, plus I have a need to please everyone around me. You’d think some of those are the same, but they’re not. I was holding him with my one arm the entire time and somehow completely forgot. Later, someone asks SpongeBob what his name is and in his brain the tiny SpongeBobs are running around frantically, desperately searching for a name. G D It feels like home to me, feels like home to me, C G D G It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong. The tasks are written over each other, the reminders overlapping and clashing, and I can never tell what’s important and what isn’t. Anyway knowing so many different skills and amassing all that knowlege hasnt made me rich or sucsessful. You’re desk is a mess, paperwork is late, your co-workers complain, You’re fired (13 yr & 7 yr careers that you loved), (so called “loved ones”) you’d be late to your own wedding/funeral HA HA HA. To bad that nobody else ever wanted to see that. Keep my mind on you It’s be unsure all the time. The biggest issue I’m thinking about now is my indecisiveness. Sometimes it can be done in as little as five minutes of quiet. However, to have the best impact on those cold cognitions, some people need a high dose of a stimulant to get there. But with added responsibility the ANXIETY goes waaay up. Just bouncing back and forth seemingly with no real pattern and every now and then hits perfectly in the corner. I found all ADHD symptoms particularly interesting, especially to know that it technically feels like your mind is overwhelmed with everything at all times. I made bad impulsive choices throughout my life which led to problems later. Insomnia became a problem and I was put on sleep medications until middle school. Then you open 3 new tabs with 3 corresponding articles that you will want to read later, and click on a 4th link to read now. My brain does that! Give us hope. Certain situations, it’s a great characteristic to have, but in most circumstances, it works against me. Then there are days where I’m having a hard time and focusing isn’t easy. Kathy, I hate so much that you’ve lived 60 years not knowing there is actually a real reason for your “scattered brain.” I have been so fortunate to have a husband and friends that have been a huge support for me. You never know what numbers will come up when you pull the lever. I hate being treated like a 12 year old whos being asked if her homework is done, but I do forget important things that can really cause some problems for me. I want to share my story with you because theres a chance you might have the right one, but need a different dose. I just see a shiny new squirell and chase it all while trying to figure out where i left my effing coffee cup. I’ve found behavioral therapy extremely helpful (or something like that, I forgot the official name…). Fortunately I’m more or organized as I get older in the house due to my partner not liking things moved. Everything feels like it takes an enormous effort to accomplish. Spend more time looking for things ice put in the are place. Over and over and over. To me, having ADHD is like trying to kick a coked-out puppy, not knowing that it will explode and summon a bunch of clones of itself upon impact. I wanted it to be this fresh new beginning for me so badly, and Im terrified of falling into the same rut as before…of getting overly excited about something, obsessing over it, and then get bored of it. In retrospect, I feel what is most unbearable about this condition is how much I truly love doing the things I just cannot do, no matter how hard I try. That really helps me create space to get focused work done. Just last night I was explaining to a friend what it feels like to have ADHD. Instead I continually feel exhausted as if someone drained my battery and I’m winding down while all of the other energizer bunnies are zipping by. And I feel horrible that I don’t enjoy it the way people do. Glad yours was short! School ? So nuh run down the things weh lusty I poor the juice, a little too emphatically, and it spills on the counter a little, so i go to find a cloth to wipe it up. I am awaiting my assessment. I embrace the quirkinesses of it. I am also one of those people that has at least 20 tabs open at once…because “I’m researching”. I’m 30 years old and was diagnosed last year. Feels like the world upon my shoulders. I usually wait for people to catch up to what I was thinking, only to be thinking about something else by the time they do. I am blessed to experienced what it is like to be ADHD because it allows me to broaden my views. To use MY intellect and MY reputation for those who lie, cheat and steal? ADHD for me (and this proabably has to do with my depersonalizaion) but to me it feels like My body is this giant robot im driving that has an A.I assist. Its hard to flesh it out without making a WALL of text and I made one anyway. I am beginning to wonder if it is solely ADD, or if it is accompanied by some kind of separate anxiety disorder. Every normal person perceives time the same way. Almost like stepping onto a treadmill that is already turned on a brisk walking pace. It reminds me of a similar one I heard: having adhd is like having a hundred bulletin board without any pins. — After finally locating my ‘spare’ car keys in the house I begin my short, scenic drive to the office. It’s like having a hundred tvs on all at the same time, on different channels, on medium to low volume. It’s extremely frustrating. I struggled so much I ended up quitting my 2nd year of 9th grade. My girlfriend always makes comments like I am fudging around in the car to much. One is clingy, and likes trying to get your attention, telling you random things, and distracts you, the other runs around causing trouble. I feel very frustrated because I know that my talents could be used to really make a difference wherever I am–though it would help if people actually understood my “ADHD issues” and worked with them. Are all really easy for me. As 2015 comes to a close, I find myself looking back in nostalgia over not just the past 12 months, but the past 20 years or so. And, you have to grab all the tickets (thoughts) and pin them down, but when the blaster stops blowing the tickets around, you’re out of luck. I don’t think there’s anything in particular I can do about it all, but your letter to the woman about reframing her perspective on what it means to be pretty really struck a chord with me, and I would love for you to reframe my perspective in a similar way. And that’s why I eventually shared my diagnosis, and have been slowly bringing awareness and shutting stigmatism down, one comment at a time. I would always describe my ADHD as someone constantly changing the radio ? The Phyciatrist I did see told me I have BiPolar disorder “with only the highs.” I’m sure that this is incorrect, however, I think he’s reluctant to give me medications for ADD/ADHD because I’m a recovering Alcoholic/Addict. The result is I end up looking foolish, uncaring or just plain stupid. What about the “social model” of disability or abelism?–no one ever talks about that outside of human rights circles. the least. That sounds like me; I only was diagnosed at the beginning of October. Focusing on and finishing the unfun things – I will drag my feet on finishing or starting things I’m not interested in. If it isn’t real, my mind usually just ignores it. You’re aware of it, you can’t hide it, you wished you could get rid of it and everyone is an expert on it. I was never able to do office ? An 2 mood pills. Unfortunatley the A.I is a bit of an ass to work with and sometimes its activley working against you.. those are the bad ADHD days lol. I try not to take things too seriously. Makes good impression when speaking to adults, who immediately see his potential, only to have him drop-the-ball. Sometimes I want to talk or tell a story and I cannot get all my thoughts out. weh the soul go Imagine someone else has the remote to your tv and continuously scrolls through every channel. My friends, family (non-ADHD), and coworkers are like timid sunbathers who won’t swim out, because they are afraid of what they can’t see, like sharks and jellyfish. You know all of his favorite movies. When it got like that, I would just fall backwards off the cliff and my brain would feel as it does before blacking out. Low C student. I went for a psychoeducational assessment at the suggestion of the university early on. Jumping around topics. If they actually let me get enough rest and come in at a time that is suitable I would do even better, but I haven’t had the luck of getting a job that has flexible hours. Divorce, death of a loved one? Angry with people one min . How do make a choice for what to do with school when nothing matters because your goals are derailed and you don’t know how to achieve them and have little interest in other things that you would still need to work hard and struggle though anyway? It’s a bad combination of disorders. Sometimes they are overwhelming that i shut down and cry hysterically and sometimes they are a nuisance. If only we could educate people ! In elementary I would say my relation was more familiar with the different levels of attentions. I’ve found that some doctors seem to think it’s just an excuse to get drugs, or think you’re exaggerating the debilitating qualities of your condition. it’s like a super power…. I recommend “My Defiant Child” to read. I do get along well with others and am friendly… just not to the man in the mirror. My days are spent losing and finding things. An email pops into my inbox. Sometimes this friend takes you into his/her own head and you don’t realize you’ve even left your own. That’s an interesting analogy that ADHD is like a computer with low ram. Maybe you actually got there before the start of the race but you can’t see or hear the person who says “GO!” and you still can’t see the dang lines or you keep slipping anyways. If you’ve managed to get this far, congrats – you probably can tell how bad my ADHD is because of the lack of any logical organization to this post. I’m lucky to have moved to a place where people are unusually relaxed about time, at least by North American social standards, so have let go of some of the stress around meeting up with friends. I 100% relate to the computer analogy. My greatest challenge is convincing people around me that I am not doing the things I do on purpose. I design materials and lectures in the way I would like them to have been designed when I was learning: making them genuinely interesting – helping learners to derive principles by problem solving rather than simply telling them; and taking them on a step by step journey with no missing steps! I get “stuck” in what I call “anger mode” and I always want to stop, but I can’t seem to. . I want to know what I could have accomplished and that I could feel safe with the demands of my brain. Cause the thing carnal it nuh bad habit The scrambled information makes it extremely difficult to focus on only one portion of the broadcast, much less anything else that the person may be doing at the time such as driving in traffic. I feel like mine hasn’t began yet, not my real life…and I’m a 45 year old woman. Harsh discipline as a child and sent off to summer camps and boarding schools only pushed me further away from that cherished state of oblivion. Female. For a solid week, I will be working on a project for a few minutes at a time, regardless of what I should be focusing on. Here it is: Have you ever driven a car without power-steering? I tried to summarize an article in 400 words for my university bio class, and couldn’t get below 800 words. Here’s a visual of what understeering looks like: The next ADHD analogy was posted anonymously on Quora, but it’s the one I probably identify with most. Other days, it’s like I’m caught in this fight that’s going on inside me. It feels like I simply don’t have the willpower or strength to force myself to focus, even if I want to, no matter how hard I try. Now, this mountain I must climb Feels like the world upon my shoulders Through the clouds, I see love shine It keeps me warm as life grows colder. My ADHD benefits these valued characteristics of mine so much, and I would not want to trade it for anything. The choice to tell my employer and work colleges I am ADHD was easy : I didN’T’! It’s because they can’t handle it. Reminds me of another ADHD analogy about being buried alive in a soft rain of post-it notes. There is no contemplation of the past, it’s as though the last few hours of your memory are completely blank the entire time. “You should say something.” I have friends and family constantly telling me I said something when I know for a fact that I did not say it, but it happens often enough that I know it is because of my constant dissociation. I was 26 years old when I started medication & therapy for this. It’s not realistic to expect me to spend 10-15 years taking 1-2 courses per semester to graduate and work as hard or harder than as person talking a full-time course load. If I manage to read through, I open my files. Sometimes to myself just so I can hear it. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 60 I get teary-eyed every time I revisit that amazing moment in my life. They don’t pretend to understand what I’m going through but they earnestly care and try to…. David, you make a great point in regards to different types of accountability! I will ask a question & ask the same question 2 minutes later. On the way out of my room, I pick up the small stuffed animal my friend gave me off my dresser. I’ve put much time and energy into something called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy which includes dual aspects of accepting what you can’t change and changing what is unacceptable. If you’ve watched enough SpongeBob SquarePants episodes, you’ll get this reference. After 5 years, does not have 1 year of college completed. Routine is highly important. I wish bosses would understand this and put less focus on being late for those of us with ADHD and more focus on the core contributions made. YES. I’m almost 40 and completely dependant financially on my parents. And trust it. ADHD feels like your trying to catch a butterfly without hands. I’m running around to much, im too loud, I’m trying to show my kids the way I learned a back flip in the middle of the living room… Nobody’s told me that I’m being “too much” but I know I am… arent I? It has been hard being mistaken my entire life, wishing we had known this a long time ago. I will crack people up on facebook and they think my life is great. Even if they did remember, say “I did, but thanks for reminding me anyway. I erase the slate by creating a mental image of a blackboard and erasing it. Its frustrating to work so hard at being ready to go and arriving somewhere on time. Wanting anything else has actually not occurred to me until the moment of your asking, and then I’m like, well, fuck, I’m probably supposed to say something like, I don’t know, “I want your huge cock in my wet pussy” or something. I spent a few minutes crying after being able to see that there are people who do understand. I just do really stupid things without thinking on what would happen. This can sometimes have a dampening effect on your mood, emotions, spirit, etc. Also a better alternative to the sleep medicine that ends up affecting you in the morning with trouble getting up would be melatonin. I know it feels like the biggest deal in the world, but trust me …. But I have worked out how what we see intelligence is measured in reality which is experience you can read what you like and have a basic understanding on how a task or problem is solved then experiencing the said problem or task goes hand in hand then a third aspect is added which is wisdom knowing what works and what doesnt in different ways to assimulate the best action at hat given time . No feeling like shit later. We were to draw a cross-sectioned spinal cord on a microscope slide and label it. Idk if I made sense. Now imagine doing this almost everyday, better yet every second, of your life. In addition to feeling like boggle cube, I began spacing out for long periods of time. I wrote an essay about this before I knew I had ADHD and it actually won me 2nd place in a contest. Currently 840 PM. You can see it all happen, but aren’t always able to do anything about it. “Why can’t I just do what needs to be done? Once I “come to” and realize that I need to check the time, the time passes is always way later than I felt it was. Other motorists pass you and wonder what your problem is, but there’s really no way for them to understand why your seemingly good looking car performs more like a Pinto most of the time. I apologize for rambling for a bit & then just cutting the story off. I started medication a week ago… I never knew how… Quiet… My brain could be. Despite the above, I would not want to give up the advantages of being ADHD : If I had a magic wand that could waive away it way, I think I would also lose the ability to achieve to my own satisfaction in the things to Do interest me. its quite interesting looking at things from a parent’s perspective. Although some people have ADHD I find that there is a tenancy to pathologize every problem instead of considering the broader context. And, according to some statistics, there’s about a 50% chance that you are, too. Your example about how hard it is to have patience for anything you’re not interested in– how terribly (and at times torturously) true! Thanks so much for putting this together. For me my ADHD feels like understeering, not only that my mind is always repeating stuff constantly, it could be a song, or something i said, or something i heard or thought about saying, ill repeat it, and repeat it, until something else distracts me to repeat something different, and it tortures me everyday, i feel like a broken record, or even at that a record with no off button, it wears me out and gives me constant headaches, when i was 11 years old i was diagnosed with it and been taking medication up until my mom passed away, im 28 years old now and i cant handle day to day task and cannot hold a job for the life of me, i have no idea how to control my mind racing a thousands miles a second, im suffering bad from this and im so drained mentally from it, if i can just stop my brain from repeating every little thing i feel i could finally sleep peacefully for once, if anyone can please explain to me if there is some way to ease this i would deeply appreciate it, ive giving up at this point and im really wanting some sort of answer…. It’s trying to fit in in a world that wasn’t made for me apparently. Exactly why i do badly at school. Most grew up without even knowing there was such a disorder and you were just a bad child with no ambition, no intelligence and a pain in the side of every teacher. In certain cases, it can be understandable to feel that way. And you have no push pins for the Bulliten Board you need to put the tickets on. ?” But at the end of the day (that is if your mind let’s your day end) your adhd isn’t going to go away. But when you do plunge it, the drain works like it was never broken, but you have to do it every day or risk a disaster.